Monday, January 31, 2011

Japanese Train Molest Rapid

essandrey @ 2011-01-31T19: 12:00




I think I run away.
I guess I just do not get home.

It becomes too much. I do not know what to do - oh, I know morally it. I should be glad that all make as much thought. Yay. But it charged me. Oh, totally.
I ... I do not know. Too much 'I'.

But I have the right, 'I' to say. And I do not want any more.

then prepares it. Then they all plans together.
you think it makes me happy. Sure what you're planning is really beautiful.

But I can not, you know that?

it affect me.

I do not want.

I think I just run.

And then you stand there with your party hats and clown masks.

Waiting for the star of the day.

I do not come. I think I just run.

I think I no longer get to Home.

I run.

And then I cry.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Things To Do In March Break 2010

Standings



I lost 1.1 kg in six days. o.ö
And I have no idea how (especially since three days ago I weighed more than that: 'D).

I have birthday coming up. I will soon 18th What I wish for? Och. Perhaps n Epilliergerät, because I know that I will never get. : 'D "The only thing I really really want is to close it again in the arms allowed. ♥
And what I would love to ... but what I imagine in the implementation still can not: D - this would be Dino Hibari-cake with the picture on top, about whom I've spoken to the Pandakekslein. : D (Do not worry, this is not a constraint, I only recently re-dreamed. D)
Okay, no, seriously.
I've considered a good thing that I do not want to celebrate. I also still do not wants. It is totally stressful, because it will be about the time of the exams start in again. That means I'll be under terrible pressure and stress are. I have on a Monday birthday. The weekend before, I'll probably need to learn and Monday I had eight hours for school anyway. I have heard that my mother and my aunt are planning something - I do not want that. I would not want them to operate cost for something I do not really want. I would not think they work very hard and I'm there Monday and I think, is yes ... but I love ... 'm stressed out and hiss all you like, and just want to bed.
And I fear that I will really respond to something like this.
My mother has already told me, my father and they want to eat with me on Monday go. Even I find that stress. As I said, I have eight hours and that means I'm probably at home at 16:00 clock. I would not then go out to eat, and certainly not when I write probably a week or two exams. Since I am tense and one probably can use the time to sleep or study. > _ \u0026lt;And now, if something big is planned ... what's this? oo I do not need the hassle. I told my mother extra, I would like nothing big. If my favorite might be the day for me, that would be anything that makes me happy. I would hope that we as a couple in bed cuddling and if necessary I just learn it yet>. \u0026lt;But then there would be no stress but pure relaxation and love. But if I here is the day and even then, and is great for all to happy, smiling and partying to do ... - I know that I still have no idea what to it. Hopefully they do not load any relatives simply because that would really be hell. I have some nice family. I have a few nice family. But acting before all I, because I simply can not do otherwise. I see them so rarely that I automatically tense, smile and runterrattere my role. This is no different. I know that I will make to happy and grateful because I want to disappoint anyone, but ... Actually, the idea that it should be something big, really terrible. I'm not home all day Tuesday and Wednesday is also a full day. I would not even have anything strenuous on Monday. Anyway I'm sitting there every Monday and think: I'm afraid of Tuesday. : D Since Tuesday, the worst day of my Week. School-like afternoon.
Maybe I be lucky that nothing is there. But I have heard that it was something.
Something for which my aunt to drive me here Saturday and they want to prepare something. Is it something outside of our house - for I mean, if they were preparing the house, I would notice that. : 'D
But ... then something big is it? "I do not want anything big. > _ \u0026lt;

Mau.

testimony.
testimony yesterday. Section 0.4 is better than last year, but still not really good. Three fours in a certificate which is already one for the high school is just not really good. But even been better. There is something for me no other choice than to me then the next time to give more effort.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

How Do U Make A Pact Official

Sauerbraten vom Damhirsch mit Rotkohl und Schupfnudeln

Sometimes the online translators are killing me. Wrote Damwild and translation dalos me, as you correctly dogalalis, Damwild. In short, I did not become smarter. Had to raise ass and go for a dictionary. Found the word Damhirsch and translated it doe. Well at least now I know who I ate.))



I'll write about all that on a plate.) Again, this Lafer.) Sometimes I tuplyu with the translation of names of dishes, so there did not translate.) List of products such as big, but big deal, believe me, no.)

Sauerbraten vom Damhirsch
2 carrots,
3 parsnips,
1 onion,
3 cloves garlic,
salt,
5 juniper berries (Wachholderbeeren)
5 Pimentkörnern *
3 sprigs thyme,
3 sprigs rosemary,
1 sheet Lavrushka
a cinnamon stick,
zest of one orange,
4st.l. cranberry jelly (I had a jam with whole berries),
500 ml wine vinegar,
1 liter of red wine,
250 ml of orange juice,
700 ml. water,
piece back doe weighing about 2 kg.

vegetables cleaned, coarsely chopped and folded into a large kasryulyu. Add everything else except the meat and boil. Allow to cool. When cool, put the meat into the marinade and leave to marinate for at least 24 hours. I stood about 2 days.

1 large carrot,
1 / 2 small head of celery,
2 tablespoons Honey,
4 tablespoons cranberry jelly or jam,
1-2 tbsp
starch 2 tbsp ghee

Get the meat from the marinade and dry it. Marinade strain through a sieve. Carrots and celery, cleaned and cut into small pieces. Heat a deep frying pan and fry meat in oil on all sides. Add the vegetables and put them a bit. Then add honey and jam, and then marinade. Writing a boil and place in preheated oven to 180C. Bake for about two hours, covered with foil.
When the meat is ready, get him. And the sauce thicken with starch or Uvarov.

Pimentkörnern-I have not found anywhere translation, but Wikipedia says that the second name is a literal translation Nelkenpfeffer Nelke - a carnation, and pfeffer - pepper.

Apfelrotkohl
1 apple,
750 g red cabbage,
juice 1 / 2 lemon,
6 tablespoons vinogo vinegar,
pinch salt,
2 tablespoons sugar.

apple peel, cut into strips. Cabbage sliced thinly. Fold the apples and cabbage in a bowl and add everything else. Infuse day in a cool place. Since the meat marinate too, do not straschno that cabbage is.)

1 tbsp sugar,
50 grams of goose fat,
2 tablespoons vinogo vinegar,
150g onions
1 tbsp currant jelly,
250 ml of red wine,
salt, pepper, cinnamon.

Melt fat, add sugar and give zakaramelizovatsya. Add vinegar and onion and a little extinguished. Then add the cabbage, jelly, wine and spices. Simmer 30 minutes.

Schupfnudeln
400gr mealy potatoes,
50 grams of flour,
50g semolina from durum wheat,
1 egg yolk,
salt, nutmeg,
3 tablespoons ghee.

Boil the potatoes in their skins, peel from the rind and mash. Add the flour, semolina, spices and egg yolk. Podpylit board with flour and dash "fingers".
Boil them in salted water just 2 minutes. Come out, wait a minute and pull out. Then fry them in ghee butter until golden brown. They can be cooked in advance, cool and fry before serving.

I am very scared of how much I wrote ..))

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Play Pokemon Blue Online With Save

nothing to do.

And do not stir Do I have a project: What to feed my grandmother? ")) And then all such bold. 100 soups, pies, and salads. No one hundred will certainly not vryatli and 50, and the dishes sometimes weird.)) Although I'm afraid that enthusiasm quickly fades.)
In general, watch television, and it shows znmenitostey in the jungle. Sit there for something. Chelenzhi pass. Worms chew, eggs, kangaroo snack. And most importantly I spent most of these "celebrities" know nothing. In general, they need a PR il what are they? but they can instead of getting to sit there, better business what to do?

Basketball Hoop With Rain

salad with apples and paste.

here recently watched "It's great to live and a little opupela. It was about the salads. Mrs. Leading asked to make the studio lettuce. Brought a tray with different salads. I actually thought that lettuce is a certain kind of salad, not a salad in general. Well God bless him. I wanted a friend.
Many people have their favorite chef. Often in the film see the mention of Jamie Oliver, Julia Child, etc. Frankly, I do not have a single book Jamie and watch him on TV I do not like. Once he is chaotic to my eyes. Although there are recipes that I used liked. Julia. Well, I heard about it, but again, I honestly have not seen the film. Good or bad this I do not know.
Sometimes I watch cooking programs. It so happened that from the abundance of different show for me, dropped out just two: Lanz kocht and Lafer.Lichter.Lecker. In the first five chefs prepare from salad to dessert. Someone had made Michelin stars. Some do not. But all of them with skill. A second show is prepared only two cooks and two celebrities. Cook and chat. And there is always fun.
That's watching me to love two people: Cornelia Poletto and Johann Lafer. About them vryatli who knows outside of Germany. And God bless him, but I love them.) And often leaf through their books and cook. This time was a salad and pate from Johan.



Well firstly I have long wanted to make the pie itself. There actually turned up opportunity. And secondly wanted, and lettuce.)

Pate:
500 g chicken liver (or some other bird),
2 tablespoons ghee,
60 ml of red wine,
200 ml cream
400 gr soft butter,
salt,
pepper,
walnuts.

liver flush dry them, fry in melted butter over high heat. Add wine and let it fully evaporate. Separately, heat the cream. In a blender pyurirovat liver, gradually adding the cream, and then slices of butter. Salt and pepper, then rub this mass through a sieve. Next the author proposes to lay an oblong shape with foil, put the pie back and remove it in the refrigerator for 6 hours. I just shifted in the cup, as she wanted to do, "sweetie." While pie is cooled, chop the nuts.
When the pie has cooled, remove it from the mold and sprinkle with nuts. Or as I've done the balls and just roll in nuts.

A salad I needed:
he actually corn salad or corn, or look at the photos I find it difficult.))
3 apple,
2-3 tbsp sugar,
2 tablespoons butter,
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar,
4st.l. walnut oil,
salt and pepper.

Apples cut into slices. Melt the butter, add sugar, let it caramelize, add the apples and fry them a bit. For the sauce, mix balsamic vinegar with walnut oil, salt and pepper and tuck in salad.
Spoon salad onto a plate as a kreativnenko scatter apples and candy pashtetnye.)

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Lenntek Sonix Micro Review

-

~ *



heartbeat.



heartbeat.



heartbeat.







; ... silence.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sabina New York Handbags Where To Buy

just cake

Well, just my mother's birthday .. From my ukrashalschik fig, but I'm still going to show.)

a recipe TUTOCHKI

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Confused With Poptropica

Rain -> Sun -> Rainbow. ♥




My fingers are so cold that my breath is trembling, and it feels like when the cold vise would return, the turning a blind my chest - scared. Sadness. I want to replace that feeling this time. I will take it and I want to breathe it, it will again breathe out of me. Not displace. Life.

Fear is hot. I do not know why people always describe as a cold fear. I think fear is hot hot. She glows in my chest and then crawls up my neck, burning. That is fear.

to fear, but you have lost, at least a little. Anxiety, all broke to have my doubts -. I do not know where they came from, I do not know why I was so hard I do not doubt in my mind than - because I was so stupid was to make all of the question. I would like nothing more question.

I'm afraid, can not keep up.

I'm afraid to catch you can not when you need it.
I'm afraid that you like it not, perhaps.

I'm afraid that you're doing bad and I did not notice because you do not want me to notice it.
afraid you distanzierst up from me.
I know you have every right to do so after I hurt you so.
I do not know if I can ever forgive me this injury.

I would kneel beside you and if it is ok for you, I'd like you to carefully lay a hand on his back - please do not be dismayed. As I type this here, they are getting colder and I fear that they feel a bit like ice. I want to pull on me - that's selfish and at the same time it is not. I want to hold you to explain to you how important you are and how valuable. Please do not think you were alone. I love you. I love you so much and no matter what you do, I'll love you more. I love you if you make mistakes. I love you always. I would not want you alone - unless you want to be alone for a moment. I want to force me not you and I know that sometimes you have to be alone. But do not you feel lonely. I want to hold you so much, for fear that you would slip away from me. Your body I would like to say because I think naively, to be able to keep this also your soul to me and to prevent it runs out of my hands. Holding I would not like, you shall remain free, but I'm so afraid of losing you that I cry. I have such fear, you take the bad feelings can not believe I was crying.
I'm afraid to lose you and I want to hold you so close to me how to do it, so that does not happen. And I know
that it is your decision.

I want to get well. I want that you feel heat.
I want you do not have to suffer.
I hope that there are no broken glass in your life, but warm colors and light.
If I can, I'll do everything we can to let you achieve it - if you let me, if you allow me.

I love you. I love you so much.




...


Saturday, January 22, 2011

Babysafe Mattress Covers In Canada

reflection.

  • reflect. Consideration. To make something clear, and with many thoughts of weigh all sides. Reflects approach to mean something, well thought out and act with reason. load.
  • reflect. Reflection. The representation of himself unvarnished, objective - distorted perception except -. inevitable confrontation.

I knew beforehand that it would do something with me to see this strange report. Before, I did not know what would be. I now know in retrospect still do not. The last few minutes walk straight and I think then I'll press play again.
- now that is -
My thoughts have not yet grasped everything that was going on in my subconscious.
Already this morning I knew something was strange about this day.
I woke up and I felt obnoxious in my body - in order, I know I always do. Today, however, was one of the worse days. I woke up and before I first got up, I have my body and myself (because between these two is a distinction made) despises extreme. And my first led me on my way Scale, indicating to me a kilo more. The same is due to my days that I received today as well. Probably, this whole is-disgusting-especially-also feel that together, but I do know that it is not only that is. In the last few days. No, already, in recent weeks. On it already provides nearly a month. Since then, it is getting worse. I was ever so much, but it was getting better. Now it is worse again - I do not want that, but it is hard to resist I see myself in a mirror-like surface and -. Chains of thought can be triggered. So much thought, the great (riesige!) part of it sub-consciously, ignored, not allowed. I see myself and think: Is it still please - please be still in order, please, not too obnoxious. And I'm trying to fancy that I still look tolerable. But I do know that it's just a lie. I know that I see and I really want to beat in my body. I would like to engage with sharp nails through my skin and me what is beyond it, tear the body. It's even too much because of it, I would tear off and shred it and strip from me, so I again get an acceptable appearance. It not only
is my weight. It is this face. This skin - this skin! I look in the mirror and I have to turn away, sometimes escapes me disgusted noise. And I will always be looked for wrong and reap any rate, the sense of her one Mach corresponds times no drama. But I mean it always toternst, even when I try to smile while yet.
This morning, as these feelings started, I touched my nose. I hate them. I despise them. A nose job costs between two thousand and six thousand euro, we say the reason for four, times a thousand. I have never in the lives of four thousand euros to let me operate this nose. And if - if, I would still hate behind my skin, I would hate my investments, I would hate my weight.
Most of the time I do not think about how the weight. I look in the mirror and try desperately to think: Actually, you still watch out okay. Come on, think about it, that your friends you say that you look pretty good. Try to remember that even someone who loves you and even says that he loves your body.
But when I think of that. The feelings I REDUCE - the state that I am disgusting that I am a shame that I will no longer really in the public - which are stronger.

repressed feelings are exactly the point.

In my case, exactly two causes. Hormones and repressed emotions.
to the hormones AKNN I change anything in the Pill, I get migraines, which I was forced to his knees many a time, and with minimal success, it was not worth it. It has also caused severe mood swings, at least my mental capacity is thus not exactly been a positive influence (and it is with the now, unfortunately, looks back as bad as has long been no more). I was relieved when I stopped taking the pill. However, I now have
the problems with it. But as I said, the hormones I can not change anything.

So it is the repressed emotions.

I think a lot. I am one of those people you always always says, they would think too much. That was in elementary school like this and it is still accused me. I really think things over and I fasere into the smallest details (I manage to still see so much). Often I'm for weeks about something allegations have forgotten what the other parties after a few hours. I'm thinking. I want to act responsibly and consistently, this is the important. I want to be sensible and grown up, too, she is important.
And yet I am a champion to push it, to ignore. Denial - oh, I can deny SO good. And it is bad. This is a bad feature. Emotions do not allow. I do often. I take it indeed true intellectually, but I do not feel the full impact. It's about negative feelings. Then I will know something is funny, but even by itself is not entirely penetrates through to me and often I put it away then, at some point. Times before, sometimes later, sometimes energetic and sometimes more on the side.
But these feelings will build up pressure. Not as a ... contouring pressure. Is then more subliminal. He sits there and remains. Permanent. Enough to remember FOREVER. Thus, by the effect that you get used to it. And each time, then a tiny bit more pressure to come.

said something to the woman in the report something like ... Emotional Eating is not about discipline or indulgence to do, or loss of control. It has nothing to do with reason, because it is also very rational people can go like this. It has something to do with the repressed emotions so that you experience them can not or will not. The food absorbs. But by then everything else is dull.

Yes. That is true.

I think: In contrast to them (the two examples in the report) I'm thin. I'm thin, I'm still normal. And then I try to relieve the stinging in my chest by this. It feels as if positioned so much of a stone on my chest and I can not breathe properly. By these words I try to calm me down. I'm still normal. I have no uncontrolled eating phases, I really did not. I know very well what I eat (and that it is often too much). What I eat is actually not always as well as unhealthy (but just too much). I'm not such a glaring example. The these weights are also ... abstract, compared to me.
But I'm relieved not. There are so many counter-examples to the other side. Maybe it does
me in that respect but not good to be in a (except for one boy) pure class girl. I see so many examples and I feel so disgusting before. There are girls whose thighs look like my upper arms - okay, so are the girls who look like skeletons, and which current is repeatedly said that they look like critical anorexia nervosa patients. But the argument does not help me completely.
I know. I know you should not be measured other people. This Look, what do they do - that you must also I really do not know. But do not change the fact that I won each time with more self-deprecation. I'm so disgusting. It is so abnormal, repulsive. I am not a man.
I'm so clumsy, I'm not a man. I am a monster.
contribute why the attempts to calm me.
I am not at the point, as these examples. I do not have a three digit weight and I'm not as addicted to food, as these people (which I feel incredibly sorry). But I have a feeling yet to be even more disgusting.
determine exactly why it is so I can not do.
I think bothers me extreme that I have not previously been amended.
As much as I talk about it and as much as I disturb my mind, one should expect that I am taking the initiative to change something. One would think, not Laber, not miserable, make it simple.
that I have not made it lowers my already low self-respect and a lot more, revulsion for myself, then joins in the large amount of feelings I can not allow full-intensity.
These non-approved
feelings paralyze me, I think. The whole self-blame and self-loathing paralyze me.

It's not that I do nothing.
It is such that it is not enough.
It is so that I get nothing.

I've never in my life at a point where I felt good in my body. I have never experienced. I do not know what it's like not to be revolted from themselves. I do not know what it is like to see himself or herself to think, without finding ugly. I know not, as it is to be in the company of others without eyes to feel as a burden.
I long so much to say then, can: I am pretty, I like this body, I feel attractive, I am satisfied.
Oh God, I know all the flaws people find in themselves. I know that so few are really zufriden.
So I take it together now shorter.
I wish I could say I'm thin.
But I do not know how to do that is.
I do not know if my feelings then at all realistic. I do not know if I will not always keep me up to a Extremmaß too fat, once I was on the way home. Why have I failed at that time anyway? What happened?
I know that everything was getting worse at the time, and my self-inflicted injuries were more again. But why? What was it like?

I do not know.
I just know that it was then always more.

And now ... I hate myself. I can not stand it when you touch me. This means - Yet. But, I can bear it. I am also grateful for when I get a kiss, because I cry. But it's not without that inside me all petrified, tense, tense and crying that the other person feels now, how thick I am and how disgusting, fat as. Even if one passes me on the cheek - I hate this skin I can not understand how someone can touch it voluntarily.. Really.

have all these people who insult me then. I can understand it. All those who have told me how disgusting I was. I would place myself in their ranks and join in their chants, if I could. Secretly, I am doing this secretly, I'm even the one that chooses the harshest words. The
disgust "Uh" s and "Ih" s are long not reach what I think when I confront myself with myself. I can understand why you have excluded me. The damaged specimens in the herd are always avoided.
All that has brought me so many times to just give up (and die) to do was right.

Just that I have never shown the strength to change. The
can not understand.

...


Thursday, January 20, 2011

Can U Get A Tlc If U Have A Felony

Polenta-Turm

enough oven, it's time that something so to cook.) Not a single living man bun.
Not knowing what would pobolovat a ventricle, the beginning of flipping the book. Found retseptik and thought, and I will do it tomorrow. Got up the next morning, went to the store to buy. Well I'm smart. Notes of himself did not. And in the morning and look to refresh the memory I do not guess.
Well bought the thing. Came home. Decided to compare with the book. Would be better if I did not.))
Well chicken instead of rabbit I bought realized. But that's why instead of the pumpkin I bought tomatoes, I do not know. And I forgot about the cheese at all.) And the bacon was porezanym cubes, instead of beautiful slips ..



will write the recipe so it was in the book and then write what and how I did.

150 g polenta,
500 ml of chicken broth,
250 ml of milk,
50 g parmesan,
6 fileek rabbit,
4 shaybochki bacon,
400 grams pumpkin,
1ch.l. sugar,
4 tablespoons olive oil,
50 g drained,
100 ml beef broth
leaves of sage,
nutmeg,
salt,
pepper


Boil milk with chicken broth, add the nutmeg, salt, pepper, and polenta. Boil a minute 3-4. Remove from heat and stir cheese. Put the finished polenta on plate covered with foil or paper. Make a layer Thickness of 1 cm and allow to cool. Then cut a circle the size of 6 cm
pumpkin slice thickness of 0.5 cm slices fried in olive oil. Sprinkle with sugar and give zakaramelizovatsya. Salt and pepper.
Saute bacon. In the same skillet with butter fried fillet of rabbit with sage leaves. Season with salt and pepper. Removing the meat and sage, add the beef broth and Uvarov it at least half.
Putting our "towers": polenta should be laid on the bacon, then a pumpkin, rabbit and sage. Top of another circle of polenta. Pour sauce and decorate the sage.

I now znachitso I svoevolnichayu. I read the manual to my polenta and it was written in 250 grams of polenta 1 liter of fluid. So I cooked since it was written on the packaging. Uses only the broth without milk well, and parmesan is also not lozhila.
Since I bought the bacon cubes, then I had fried and sprinkled for more hot polenta and lightly push, so he latched on to the polenta. In the photo is not visible, so I put the reverse side on top.
With tomatoes do not do, just cut.
Chicken fried as well as it should have been done with a rabbit.

Well, something like that.)

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Bushell Yardage Pro Sport 450 Camo

Where I am today, tomorrow I will be no more.

- But where will I be then, I can not say yet.



I know that feeling. I know because I've bounced before. Even then I'm not broken it, even though this is how it felt. Oh, it once again. When I was a container full of pieces that are only held together by the skin. And with every sob, it hurts again. But this time I'm not broke.
A hand is offered to me and I feel heat, which is broadcast in an aura. she gently pulsates, as if she had a heart attack. She did. I know that. I surprised to see it. I had not expected that he will see me again just now - but it feels so good, because his eyes are bright again and they are no longer angry. I feel like a child, while I the
ke. But perhaps I may even now, perhaps it is in order. I hesitate, then I take his hand. Will it stop me? "Whether I can keep me on my feet really? I'm so dizzy, my Ears, it rushes in my breast, it is so hot. But when he pulls me it is very gently and carefully, and before I must try, try to beat me, I reject already on his body, which I think is currently cooling. Should I be afraid of him, after he tell me last time has so left - no. Because I understand him. And I understand why he did it, it opens up to me now. The young god, who at one time no longer seems so young passes me on the head. Apparently it has approved the child's feelings in me, because he is under it. He comforted me I really would not expect. I thought he would blame me for how I behave myself again. "It's okay," he says softly. And I know that something has changed between us. The way he talks to me, is different. She is beautiful. "Why?" I want to know quiet. My voice sounds terribly mistreated. When I would have screamed. And I've just been crying, no more. "Because you have nothing to reproach you. Now just do not. "Slowly, I nod. If he we see, it also explains why he accuses me. It is a paradox, while it is not. Trembling, I breathe out and bury my face in his chest. It is good to inhale his scent. Meanwhile, he is familiar. He has been with me for so long. But I would never be able to assign. In my memory I know that he once smelled of vanilla and cinnamon. Something that fits incredibly well with him. But that is not himself I suppose this fragrance is the first time consciously aware of and yet I see him again. It makes him so human. How unusual. "I'm afraid," I say quietly and he smiles, then he begins to weigh me back and forth. It seems to me like he was dancing with me, but we do not move from the spot. "You always have." It is no reproach, and it also does not sound like one. It sounds gentle and loving. "But you're finished." Sometimes I'm not so sure as he did. But it's nice that it makes me courage now, rather than to humiliate me. I know that it has the same effect, because he does it the right way. His fingers close gently around my hand. "Come with me" he asks me gently and I understand that he will soon lead me to the next level. In this world there is something waiting for me. But now - not now. Now he will help me to find rest in his arms.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Can I Stand A Fridge On Top Of A Freezer?

Jewish buns

or almost.) Well I always got adjusted.
liked me here these buns and wanted them to do. That is done today. The truth has not yet tried, and if I'll eat a meat, it was only for breakfast. But it smells tasty biscuits.)




Opara:
210 g. flour
160 g. of water (I have buttermilk)
⅜ tsp (1.5 g.) of dry yeast fast

Combine all ingredients in a bowl, well Stir, then tighten the film and leave a bowl of brew fit for about 3.5 hours at room temperature.

Dough:
210 g. flour
1925 Sugar
6 in Salt
1917 cream oil (I have margarine)
1960 water (buttermilk)
all Opara

egg grease

1. Mix all ingredients in a bowl or mixer bowl and knead the dough very dense. The finished dough should be moderately well-developed gluten, keep in shape and be completely non-sticky. Put the dough in oiled bowl, tighten the film and leave to approach for 1 ½ -1 ¾ hours. The dough should rise by about threefold.

2. Put the finished dough on a board and divide into 6 equal pieces, approximately at 115 g. Cut from every part of 8-10, the dough on a round bun or 10-12, at the oblong. Podkatayte large pieces of dough into balls, small - in the sausages, cover film and leave it lie down for 5 minutes.

3a. For round cakes - again podkatayte balls, take a sausage, side of his hand rolled in a few places, so that it began to resemble a string of beads and place on top of the bun.

3b. Oblong rolls - scrunch a piece of dough into a thick pancake, fold the letter and zaschipnite seam. Then roll the roll to the desired length, roll the sausage in the same way as for a round bun and place on top.

4. Put the buns the laid onto a baking paper baking dish, cover with foil and leave rasstaivatsya for 1 hour.

5. Beat the egg with two tablespoons of milk, oil rasstoyavshiesya bun batter and sprinkle with poppy seeds.

6. Bake at 230 ° C (460 F) 22-25 minutes.


PySy: Buttermilk solely due to put in a dough that she sirotinushka homelessness in the fridge was and it was necessary to attach it.) A margarine. Well, I later realized that she was no oil at home.)

Sunday, January 16, 2011

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Roll Orientation meeting

I fell in love. In the roll.) or two Meatloaf? I actually began to do them when you need a quick and tasty. Now I have a bunch of your favorite rolls, not Sure what to choose.)


For the dough:
1 cup flour;
2 tbsp. l. honey;
½ cup sugar;
3 eggs;
½ tsp soda, vinegar repaid.

For the cream:
½ cup sugar;
300ml cream

preparation.

1. Beat eggs with sugar, add honey, baking soda, mix well. Then add flour and knead dough.
2. On a baking sheet on the baking paper, put a thin layer of dough.
3. Bake at 200 ° C in an oven 5-10 minutes, roll to roll hot.
4. Cooled roll to deploy, grease sour cream, roll and decorate.

cream Preparation:
1. Whip cream with sugar.
2. In whipped cream add vanilla and walnuts.

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Where are we going?



lot. Through the barbed wire. Come on. And if he will pull up hair, I do not care. Los yet Oh, he'll tear the skin? So what? Bleed your arms? If already!'d Rather afraid of what I am doing to you, if you can not do it ! Believe me, it gets worse. So go, go! Already running. Did I say RUN!


you want gentleness? You do not get any softness.
Oh, someone offers you?
I'm warning you.
Wage to not accept them.

I throw a stone into water
and make no waves.
I see my time in this shattered world.
I sit in the back seat
and I'm glad I'm not moving.
I see what is
and what was.


do not know what to do. Do not know how it goes.
I sometimes think that it is better would be to end it all - and I am NOT my life, no fear - but simply all I hang. What challenges me. Leave school. Because then I'd ... oh, that's all the same anyway.

It does not happen anyway.




(c) Lyrics: I and I
(c) Image: cinkova on Photobucket

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

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I Need A Vacation From Life.

If we could just escape from the crowd .


What about your goals? drives, He pushes me and my wrist so tightly that I think it will break. He shook me and scared I look into his green eyes that seem much darker than usual clouds are drawn and the darkness seems so unapproachable cold, so awful. I'm afraid, but maybe that is because he is so loud and his voice drives me through the entire body. Where's the girl I've got here then?
"You've lost it", I think. To pronounce it as my strength not more, I will also not give me the nakedness before him and he confirmed that my voice trembles. But he does know it anyway.
How can you so you can go!
I can not cry once, when his free hand strikes against my head. The force behind my tears almost from the legs, but he still holds my wrist and I fall only half would be torn from him again in the air - it runs in my shoulder. That's why I close my eyes. All of a sudden I'm quite calm. I am calm and I enjoy how the pain is pulsating spread. Such as heat, he met me and envelops me. My Inability to have control is balanced by the clarity that brings this tear in my body. But the second in which I hinfortträume lasts, too short and soon I shall be shaken so hard that I open my eyes again.
"I can not."
He has already read the words from the soul. Talking to him I can not. The pressure that squeezes together my chest has made me the voice. My tongue is sewn and does not move, in my neck are the vocal chords scratched and tear.
You are SO pathetic! He insulted me and I never look at him, to see exactly what makes sure that he is so different. His face is unchanged, but his eyes ... they are filled with more and more dark and his eyes are as sharp that I feel to bleed it.
"I have never claimed otherwise."
And for these words, he pushes me to the ground by hand. I know why. I am not entitled to so as to talk about myself. He may, but I myself do not. I should listen to me, but that speak of myself is taboo.
What about what you've done to you! You'll get up and fight now!
Unfortunately he tells me how to do that if he never ceases to press the earth. Sharp stones cut myself, but I enjoy it. Maybe he knows that as long as he does it all here with me, I do not act. And I dare not to act anymore. It makes me a bad person, but I suppose tacitly accepted.
Ich verstehe seine nächsten Sätze nicht. Alles, was ich verstehe ist, dass er mich anschreit, minutenlang anschreit und schlägt. Er verprügelt mich, wie es mir nie widerfahren ist. Ich kann sagen, dass das etwas ist, womit ich vor allem an diesem Ort nicht gerechnet habe. Aber ich kann nicht sagen, dass ich sein Verhalten ungerechtfertigt finde.
Was auch immer er ausspricht. Ich weiß, dass es keine Vorwürfe sind, sondern die Wahrheit ist.
Wenn die Wahrheit so schrecklich ist, dass sie beleidigend wirkt, dann liegt das in meiner Verantwortung. Dann ist das meine Schuld. Und deswegen hat er jedes Recht, so mit mir umzugehen.
Genießt you know? asks, and I can feel his breath on my face. He has thus bending over me and I know he is smiling. you appreciate it that I just do it this way? The role of victim. Is there something easier? Rejoice! You be thankful that I'm so ready a perfect escape route! Self-pity. Feels good, right?
I say nothing. "Yes," I answer then silence.
"It's all I have because I guess the rest yourself."
It can depend on me, turns around. He makes my wrist and Loss of a sudden I feel terribly alone. His contempt
hits me more than any shock and hurt me more than anything before.
And then - then I did not care.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

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Classmates

I once registered with classmates. Looking for a girlfriend. Did not find that she was looking for, but found many other classmates. With some of my friends were good, with some nodding. I never offered friendship. Everyone who is there in my friends found I own and have become friends.
That I need it. On my classmates are not interested. With some of devochkof I started to call back or communicate via Asya Does anyone else like. But is not there. Some came to mayl.ru, where I once kept a blog, but now it is closed .. But there is one lady. We were in first grade do not spill water, and then they left. We had not seen for 20 years. When they met again, we did not find a common language. It happens to everyone. Much water has flowed.
When she did the first time razfrendila, She explained this by saying that it fell like spam to me. Well, yes. It was like that. I broke in the class-mate. I apologized and explained what had happened. She again Offer friendship there, and now also to Miley. I also made friends for the sake of decency here and there.
Yesterday it again I razfrendila on all fronts. Well I'm not crying. I not bad. Just wondered. A nafig offer friendship was the second time in a classmate and also on mail? To then again otfrendit? I pupeyu.
And yet experts classmates. Today I walked out there on the site and could not find where you can remove yourself from it. How can this be done?

Saturday, January 8, 2011

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Canape

I generally do not like brown bread. Well the one that really black and wet and with a horrible name "pumpernikel." The only thing with which I like it, so it is with smoked salmon. It is true this time I him and ate with avocado.)


Almost recipe - it's because there is no specific grams actually.)

Canapes with smoked salmon
Rye bread,
kremchiz,
salmon,
salt,
cayenne pepper basil

Kremchiz scroll with salmon in a blender and season with salt and pepper. Lovely way to buy bread paste this in your mouth. Well, who like you can still decorate the basil and a slice of salmon.)

Canapés with avocado and chicken sausage
Rye bread,
avocado,
lemon,
salt,

Pepper Chicken boiled sausage,
parsley

Peel avocados. From sausages ryvezat molds small circles. Scroll avocado in a blender with scraps of sausage, add lemon juice, salt and chili. But further along the thumb. Mashed avocado to put on bread, sausage and parsley on top and in the mouth.)



Russian-nastolgicheskoe canapés.)
white bread for toast,
mayonnaise,
sprats,
eggs,
pertushka

fry bread in the toaster. Cut into 4 triangles. Dripping with mayonnaise, put slice the eggs and shprotinku. Decorate with parsley. IV. you know where with him.)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

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Please Do not Fall Asleep.


I do not know which way I should think. Every few minutes it changes. I do not know if I did not commit an error when I go on. And I do not know if it is not perhaps the error to stop.
I can not Responsibility.
I think all this is not enough.
soon. Soon I shall perish in it.

Maybe yes I forget about the stress in the slip soon I shall be clean - but that will not make anything better. The pressure will increase, more and more and then - I do not know, I have no idea, but fear.. I'm so afraid.

I hate it when I just have to come at night so the tears. I think most people hate this I hate it when I am so incredibly stupid sometimes. Stupid I am, whenever I act irrational. I would have loved to be able to everything what I recognize as reasonable, implement them. And why am I not? Because I lack the ambition. He has done this for years. It's a wonder I still have it brought up to that point.

But eventually, the building of lies too heavy, and then the hollow space, it no longer wear. A foundation of nothing - that must collapse, for better or worse.

I'm afraid. Prior to say no, I can not do more to school. But I am also afraid to talk about it. That is selfish, is not it? That it just me going around, but it is not true. I dare not only to write down my thoughts. You did not deserve all this.

Paranoid I'm already quite a while.

Why do I give to everything, that means something to me? Why can not I stop, stop? Why must it always become something that almost overwhelmed me? If I put my soul into something means to me at once so much. And then I have huge fear of spoiling it. From this fear is emerging both pressure and crippling myself together. Until I give up. And by quitting, I destroy it. Wow. Self-awareness is the first Step to recovery. Why I never go to the second?

I have so much fear.

I'm afraid all endure no longer what is expected of me. I even put the expectations but also to me, and I meet so far not?. No. And I do not know how that will happen if there is more. Soon, the holidays are over, and then, then I have to travel to school and tutoring before and I have both anxiety. From school never mind - I can not do that anymore. I always wanted recognition. And praise. And that one is proud of me. Admiration. I always wanted to be the best. I wanted people to forget me observed. I wanted to be whole, great. I wanted confirmation. But I do not deserve me. I was too busy with itself for me to realize that you have to contribute to his wishes and his own work.
fight for dreams you have.
For targets have to do something.
I have not done anything.
And now I reap the consequences - and what I do - nothing.
just sit here and watch how everything breaks. And then I cry and cry, hold my breath and choking, but then I cry. I am looking for someone to clean up my mess for me and then I felt sorry for it, that I had destroyed everything on their own. How pathetic that is.

I have such fear.
I know I need help. I will also help. But not enough to bring them to me. I do not talk to my parents. I know too much about what they think about me. Even though their contempt could never live up to my own contempt for myself. Their disappointment with me can not be greater than my own disappointment.

I will not play with it, my Skin cut open. But I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I still do it again. What keeps me from is the knowledge that it would change nothing. The one big difference would be that you would see on the outside, what I feel inside - but I would want to hide it anyway, because it is supposed to see but no. And no one will help - but, of course. But not because of it. In addition, the weak. This brings nothing but self-pity.
Oh, I'm good in self-pity.
This whole record is dripping with self-pity.
pity that no positive property. Would it be so, I would be a wonderful person.

So I kill myself only to themselves, to want to puke.

bad that I could have never.

I just wish that it will be good.
I love you.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

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Pohudeyka

entered a new 2011. Many or almost all, make come true for chiming clock desire. And I wish you all, that they may come true. And I ... And I do not think. I set myself the goal. And my goal is to lose weight. That is, I have slimmed considerably, but there are still from what is not prevent b rid of.


yesterday chatting with Irenchikom I came to the thought of having the tag "pohudeyka. To once a month to summarize. Well, or sometimes potryndet, complain or boast. If anyone wants to support me, go ..)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

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Alt-Wiener-Mandel-Schokoladentorte

I'm not so long ago bought a book Süsses aus dem Sacher . And yes there is a recipe for Sacher cake. And yes recipe of course not true. Worth a postscript to the cake: recipe is very close to the real, to taste. Well, believe me. And ever check it. In general, I somehow became addicted to the Vienna Bakery. She is such a home in my opinion. And tasty.
This cake I wanted for Christmas yet, but my lusted after purely Russian Christmas with Olivier, herring under a fur coat and Napoleon. Well, yes and goose stuffed with rich yeast dough with dried fruit. So that the cake waited for his time only in the New Year's Eve.



It will be a lot of text

For almond biscuit:
220gr sugar,
7 eggs,
100g dark chocolate,
170gr ground almonds,
50g flour,
pinch salt

Beat egg yolks well with sugar 190gr. Melt the chocolate. Separately, beat the whites with the remaining sugar. Sift flour and almonds. Add beaten egg yolks in chocolate, then flour and whites alternately. Bake at 180C about 40-45 minutes. Cut the cooled cake into 3 cake.

Impregnation:
100ml water,
100g sugar,
125ml amaretto

sugar and water heated until sugar dissolves. Remove from heat. Add liqueur. Cool. Propittat these cakes.

For chocolate cream:
140gr sugar
140gr of dark chocolate,
2 eggs,
150g butter

in a water bath whisk eggs with sugar, remove from heat. Melt chocolate and add it to the eggs. Beat the butter and mix with egg mass. To give the cream a little stand in the refrigerator and then interlay shortcakes.

For the glaze:
125g dark chocolate,
125ml cream,
30g honey

Heat cream with honey. Add chopped chocolate. Stir well and cool. Drizzle this glaze the cake.

Well seredinke.)

Monday, January 3, 2011

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me a definition for 'life'.



And it's worth it. It is always worthwhile.

You've gone a step in one direction. His voice is soft and I think it sounds sympathetic. But I know that I would classify it sometimes wrong. Anyway. He seems content, in contrast to me. I doubt, but when I do not ever doubt it? I know he would say exactly that, if I would demand a response from him.
So I am silent. It does not matter anyway, he knows what is going on inside me.
you do not like this direction.
I told you, he knows what I think.
"No," I confirm the same. "But right now I like little."
He chuckled and I try to look at him angry, but he takes possession of my facial expressions, so the look is soft.
I know that bother me should, but it does not work.
I like to think that he would rather see me just smile.
You do not know whether you will succeed, and that bothers you. But I want you to do it.
"If I do not make it for myself? Instead for you?"
Where's the difference? he asks me gently, laughing. I look at him and think about his words, but he wipes the thought henceforth, as he kissed me. I close my eyes and let myself drop.

In the future I probably will not have much time for me to drop it.

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Halllle

And I, too, was in Paris ..)) once long. Just watching pictures and remembered .. Not all are going to show. Although the New Year pictures. Maybe then I'll take.)



Tipo what I



Oh yeah. I'll tell you one more horror. I watched today happiness is with Mrs. ECH. Not from the beginning, but still .. Drinking bout with a tree, a podium for "singing drinking companion." Scary huh? That's what I'm talking about. The truth is the moment that I like * bent to miss flying shoes * I liked the Christmas tree. No, not one that prevented Guests look at varyuschih, and she did that (navyrezal) a cook zucchini (or it was a cucumber?).

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Let me be the bad one.


What have I done?
I am voluntarily evil. Just look. I sign voluntarily.
Take me as the reason, I am the trigger. I am of the error.
And actually I know I talk nonsense.

I am already the evil, but to be the evil has never been any good. I let us suffer.
irony. Irony is my constant companion. In the absence of the ability to express myself differently.


I carry the shame. Even now. I feel
the pressure in my stomach and the urge to vomit.

failing school.
I fail.
I do not wish to fail too!

What is left?

The knowledge that I have caused it.

And while I have these words in my head.

I'm too negative about it, or?

not think. Feel.

But I can not.
If I feel inside me is there in a big, ugly lumps and a lot of tension. Pressure is there.
and nausea.
This is not the plane should look at me, I know.

But the others I do not think.

I will not lose.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

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It's been a long time.

Look what happened to you.
My head jerks up and my eyes open, I need a moment to realize where I am. Is not here the world in which I have heard that voice the last time. It looks different, but I can not see anything. Something around me, but with my senses, it is impossible to identify, I see only his mere presence.
"It is long " , I answer, because it is the best explanation I can think of.
I will look at him, but his hands are placed firmly on my shoulders, so I do not tell me to turn around to him. Why he is behind me, and I can feel its warmth, but it creeps me into the members as something poisonous, something threatening.
I was hoping you would use that time better.
sounds from his voice sincere regrets and I do not like because it means that I have made mistakes in his eyes. And his view is one here, where we are. It is still always his world. If he sees my actions as wrong, it is also, no matter what standards are like in another dimension. And I knew that. I think it should have, but ...
You had forgotten me , he says sadly. This emotion in his voice stands out in my heart and I want to turn his head to him so that he can see that I'm sorry. And I do not think that he can look but in my soul. He also lets me turn my face to him, he puts a hand on my cheek. Sure it has a soft, but I feel the threat of force he used it and it lets me know that his power is much greater than mine.
"Yes," I admit quietly. "A lot has happened and ..."
I want to hear not your excuses.
remain silent and so I lower my gaze. Below me is black, no cause can be seen and I wonder if it is not just an illusion where I stand. And when I stop believing in it, it will dissolve and no longer carry me, I will fall, until I'm ready again to lie to rely on reality,
I do not want excuses, nor statements he continues. I'm here because it is time for it again. Without me you have not done your way. Look at you! Look at you but only on. You hesitate and falter at every opportunity. Where is your will to fight, where is your ambition?
I need his words to know that I am not a fighter more, I knew all the time. But it's different hearing it from him. Prior to myself I do not care, but ashamed of him I'm for it.
"He's there," I answered quietly. "I stand I only own way."
He rolls his eyes. I know it, although I can not see him. That alone is proof enough that he really is. My young, blond god. I may exercise his feelings when he lets me, as he sees mine. Just that it can be closed in front of me, while I was always like an open book I delivered.
like I do not hear from you. So I'm not here. I am not your therapist.
it surprise me that he takes the word in his mouth. I thought that there was not anything in this world. But he's a god. He is omniscient. Maybe this world is not all that different than my previous. Maybe that was all I knew until now, only a facade. At the moment I do not even hear the music but otherwise was always there. Even after I fell, I can still hear me. And now? "Now it is quiet, except for his voice.
I dare not ask what he wants because instead. Why he has returned instead. Part the answer is easy. Because I had forgotten him, and that is a sin. Because I have chosen the wrong direction - I'm not in this world there would be only right way I must have been wrong?.
Who are you now only. Do you know your own name yet?
I get air and would like to answer him, but the voice remains stuck with the neck. Obviously he does not consider my answer to be appropriate, so I shake my head result. If that's not my name, then I have no more.
I think it is time that you tear up together.
I nod. I think so. I think for so long.
It does you no good. Were not you a fighter?
I suspect what he will say to me, but his words make no sense. One way is dermir. He wants for me. He was there but that I have always done. I'm much more went his way, as my own.
You know why this is not true.
Somewhere in my chest a little excited and I feel that he is right.
Pull yourself together.

Yes, I want it. Would
it is not the easiest to take the most direct way? he asks me with a smile in her voice and finally he turned around to him. He holds my wrist, just as he has always done it sooner. You will still need to learn a lot , he says, before I can give him an answer. And you have to do for you, not for others.
I know that. Even I know this all he has to say to me, but when I tell myself, I do not care. If I see him here
in his green eyes, then that is another matter. His smile
is good and still as manipulative, as it always was, but this time I know that I distract him not only for my thoughts in a certain direction. I know that he is right and I know that I do not only him but also I want to prove something to himself.
"But what is all this start with a set ...-?", I hesitated, but he puts me gently and yet so powerful determinant a finger to his lips, which brings me to silence. He shakes his head. Not he says softly, gently. not think of it.

I look at him and I know that now tears fill my eyes really should, but they do not materialize.

So, like so much absent.

Life is change, not stagnation.

I close my eyes as he pulls me into his arms.
The god has returned.

I need fixed points. I need my red thread.