Letters To Pent House

Confused!

So ... to start times a little story ... as far as I can remember back was always claimed that I have a romantic streak that I "understand" women would ... well, it was diskuttiert even if I'm gay or not (even my grandmother was on the line involved, hang on, my grandmother was the trigger! matter ...) ... of dozens of women I was raved as romantic and sensitive I am not, and how little I use the cliché "man" but had in common and what a good friend I am not, may well, a good friend sien I probably anything but Romantic ...
My best friend has
me yesterday spoke to the conscience and asked me what was wrong with me if I want to go on forever ... if I ever so "Next whores" will ... I mean ... It is a bit crass when my best friend me as a male prostitute is, ok, I mean, lately, the women changed in my bed from fairly frequently, but that was only, no idea ... maybe he's right.

But is it any different since the Meli ... no idea ...

My romantic streak is nothing more than pure show ... I mean, what is romance? A word? A gesture? Atmosphere, perhaps? But what is real romance? ... Romance is when you do not need words to understand What does a partner ... that's romance ... what I did was just an excuse ... a justification ... to me to make it easier and to show the women that I am the right ... I'm not romantic because I am convinced, but because I can, with compliments, with gestures, with ambiance ... and those who pay attention now know that this is no real romance ... but the romance that we convince ourselves ... Romance wrong as fool's gold ...

Well, except I used the "wrong" to create more romantic to me a feeling that there was not really ... when I felt so far from someone a feeling it was only superficial or personal nature if you will ... in favor of personal satisfaction ... To the dismay of my respective partner
No more, no less ...

Well, now I'm at Meli ... after I felt the first time what it means to be disappointed and hurt to be, by Chrisi at which for the first time there was a mixture of feelings ... I now feel what it means to be alone in love with a man ... without the mask of the romantic troubles is to have a feel ...

Well, so far I have not slept with Meli almost a "prelude" enjoyed ... we just kissed and cuddled a bit, but not so ahb otherwise I simply know only learned it so well at our meetings was dependent * gg * ... and yet the feeling is just ... I do not know ... Just to be satisfied only with that is there ... sounds stupid to ... But so ... it is enough in itself somehow I feel her presence ...

I just hope that I manage not to act rashly, but, as they would like to address the whole slow, but the more time passes, the harder it is for me to do anything ... I hope they have enough patience for me ...

Somehow I come to my state of mind is not completely out of ... It seems as if I am my own feeling that I have so far reasonably have blocked ... about to kill me is to ... let's see who wins ...